Players
Immi is a goalkeeper. Yes he is!
Mike is right-winger. He's played for The Fez and now Rebellion. Appearances: 122 Goals: 2
Tom Day plays centre-back and he's pretty good at it too.
Chinese Dan is a right-back and sometimes (actually quiite good centre-forwar). His main priority used to be his works football team on a Thursday night. But he got booted out of that team's first eleven and now he likes our team more.
Goldie is an oldie. Not really, of course, he is as spritely as the day is long. Not really, of course, he has the turning circle of a Tesco trolley with a bust wheel. He plays in midfield and is a boulder.
Frames plays centre-back and sometimes in midfield. He would be good if he got fit. And could shoot. And wasn't drunk at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. He's played for Sprowston Lads, Pulham FC, KAA Wanderers, Waterloo Boys and Imperial Rebellion.
Luke is a midfielder, deployed anywhere across the park. Can hit a football as true and straight as you're ever likely to see. Just not anywhere between kick-off and full-time. Also known as 'Sex-man'.
VJ plays up-front. Unfortunately sometimes called Vag because if you put V and J together you can kinda make out the word 'Vag'. It's not, for any reason, because he has a vagina. Honest. Also top-scorer last season. In no way because he has a vagina.
Jamie plays upfront, but has developed into a very, very effective centre-midfielfer. Scouse.
TQ is the most solid central-defender. One of three Quirkes to grace the hallowed turf of Hurlingham Park.
Guy is our goalkeeper. One of the truest left-footers you will see. Not the most helpful thing when your the goalkeeper, though....
Joe plays centre-midfield. Joe is the 'guvnor' - when you think of Paul Ince, think of Paul Ince. When you think of Joe Dixon, think of Gareth Gates when he's lost funding for his stuttering classes.
Pete plays right-back normally - right back at home! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! He's Dr. Pete, don't you know.
Magic is a utility man if ever you saw one. Yeah, he's got a pony-tail - what of it?